17. Queen of the Damned (2002)

I cannot express enough how sad I am that this movie exists. The fact that this was made at all makes me want to track down the people who were responsible for it, grab them by the shoulders, and shake them all while yelling, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!"

18. Fright Night (1985)

For me, the greatest sin for a vampire movie is dullness. It can have horrible special effects, cheesy writing, and even mediocre acting as long as, ultimately, it is interesting. If dullness is a sin,  Fright Night needs to go to confession.

19. Vampire's Kiss (1988)

There are only two reasons to watch Vampire's Kiss, as far as I can tell. One scenario might occur in the far future when your child or grandchild comes up to you, all starry-eyed and innocent, and asks, "Where do Nicolas Cage memes come from?" Then, you may wish to show him or her both this movie and The Wicker Man back to back (though that may actually be considered child-abuse, so be careful and check with a lawyer or specialist first).

The second reason to see this film, beyond meme context, is in order to see what TRULY bad casting can do to a movie.

20. The Brotherhood (2001)

Oh wow. Just... wow. This movie is BAD. It almost missed my cut-off by earning only 2.3 stars on Netflix, but I allowed it in the marathon because I remember this film sitting on the Blockbuster new release wall when I was in high school and people renting it. So, out of high school nostalgia, I added this one to my Netflix instant list. Be prepared to be amused and horrified...

Setting the Bar

In order for you, dear readers, to take me seriously as a critic (though why you would do that I have no idea), you probably need to know where I'm coming from and what my favorite vampire films have been thus far.

All right then, you (hypothetically) asked for it! Here are my top five favorite vampire films, counted down and reviewed.

The Beginning

It was a dark and stormy night... well, no. Actually, it was afternoon in the heat of Phoenix, AZ at the start of summer, and I had the urge to watch a vampire movie. I was all caught up on True Blood, had finished the mediocrity that was Hemlock Grove, and had already re-watched some of Angel and (ugh) Vampire Diaries recently. Television, therefore, was out. What film could possibly satisfy my sudden craving for a vampire film?

Apparently, I decided, all of them.

Thus began my quest to watch (almost) every vampire movie that I hadn't yet seen. This, perhaps, was a stupid and unimportant quest. But I work in education and it was summer; this is when stupid and unimportant things get done!