Werewolf Winter: The Wolves of Kromer (1998)

So far we have seen werewolves as symbolic of human aggression, female sexuality, and teenagers going through puberty. And now, with The Wolves of Kromer, we now have a film where wolves are symbolic of gay men in the 1990s.

Very subtle symbolism...

Now, using the word "film" for The Wolves of Kromer might be a tad generous. Like Andy Warhol's Blood for Dracula, Kromer is more of an art project than a complete movie. While some of the people on screen in this project are actors, others are models or just people connected to the project who weren't professional thespians. The result feels almost like the movie is flipping channels and constantly jumping to sections of different qualities. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Wolves of Kromer starts with a narrator explaining that this region of England is known for its wolf population and that a wolf named Seth is new to the area. Fun fact: the narrator is Boy George. This short speech seems to be his only involvement with this movie, but that is still a fascinating and fun detail.

Seth just sort of randomly "appears" next to another werewolf named Gabriel, who has been living most of his whole life in the woods. Seth, however, has just been kicked out of his parents' house because they found out he is "a wolf." Seeing any obvious symbolism yet?  If not, the rest of the conversation might help:

Gabriel: Surely they knew. Parents can always tell when one of their kids gonna' turn out to be wolves.
Seth: I'd always suspected. I mean, Mom used to tell me to tuck my tail into my jeans, and Dad used to make jokes about boys like me. But it's like they just hoped it would go away... [Then one day] they burst in to my room and found me in all my glory: fur, tail, claws, the lot.

This description brings us to an important detail about these werewolves: they don't look like much. The wolves have pointed elf-like ears, claws, and really-terrible-looking tails (which are just tacked on to the actors' blue-jeans). They also wear thrift-shop-quality fur coats that match their tails. But that's about it: no other make-up, no extra fur on their faces, no sharp teeth. Just pretty boys with little more than claws and strange fashion sense. Also, the wolves always look this way; there seems to be no stage of transformation.

"Why transform when I'm this gorgeous?"

Gabriel comforts Seth, shows him "the ropes" around the woods, and warns him to stay away from humans. He explains that the humans in town are scared of the wolves and may try and shoot them; Seth, however, boasts that he's not scared. Even after they grow close and end up sleeping under the stars together, Seth continues to tease Gabriel, saying that they shouldn't hide from humans and that they should be proud of what they are. Again, need some time to find the symbolism? I'll wait.

However, pretty-boy wolves are not the only focus of this movie. There is also a strange, strange parallel plot about two old women (one near psychotic) who have a crush on the local priest and who want to kill the rich woman they work for. The psychotic one (who sometimes talks to either her cat or voices in her head; it's difficult to tell) shoots insulin under the rich woman's fingernails in order to send her into a coma. The two old ladies then dump the rich woman outside near the woods, hoping she'll be eaten by wolves and thus cover their tracks. And it works! It's worth noting that the apple-of-the-women's-eyes priest spends much of his time railing about wolves, how they were never in the Garden of Eden and how they are works of the devil. Thus, the death of the rich woman just adds fuel to his fundamentalist fire.

But whenever that story-line gets too serious, the movie abruptly cuts to Seth and Gabriel making eyes at each other.

However, all is not well in pretty-werewolf-land: Gabriel soon reveals to Seth that he has cheated on him.

Now, it is very unclear and confusing as to when this supposedly happened. The parallel plot-line clearly takes place over only a day or two, a week at most. However, the werewolf plot-line seems to jump abruptly in time given that Seth and Gabriel just met each other, spent one day together, and then kissed/slept under the stars... and then the next scene is Gabriel admitting he cheated.  Maybe werewolf time is different than human time? The more likely explanation is that the situation is just supposed to be representative of a real issue in the gay community. After all, when Seth demands to know if Gabriel will see the wolf he cheated with again, Gabriel says no and that the man was just a fling who "had to get back to his wife and pups." Regardless, Seth is hurt by this and storms off.

In the meantime, the extended family of the murdered rich woman has come to town to take care of her estate and her funeral. There is an elder daughter in the family named Polly, who has a 90's rebel-chick attitude and is bored by the small town surroundings. She goes walking in the woods and meets Seth, who is stunned that Polly actually engages with him like a human and is not scared of him. The two bond and smoke a cigarette together.

This leads to the second time a werewolf movie has used Red Riding Hood references in a sex scene. As Seth nervously reminds Polly that he has "paws," she says, "The better to hold me with..." and at the mention of his yellow eyes, "The better to see me with..." and so on. Seth enjoys the feeling of being wanted and treated like a "normal man," and declares to Gabriel that he's going to leave the woods, be with Polly, and not be a wolf anymore. (This declaration involves the "special effect" of Seth just not wearing his terrible fur coat. Yep, high budget, that's what this movie is.)

However, as Seth leaves Gabriel, the town is whipped into a frenzy over the rich woman's death and they begin looking for the dangerous wolves roaming the woods. The priest gets a mob of hunters together and... what the heck?!

Is that a klan member in the wolf hunt? Geeze, I feel like I owe Andy Warhol an apology; Blood for Dracula was downright refined in its symbolism, including the red hammer and sickle on the wall, in comparison to this movie!

Within the half-day or so that has seemingly passed since Seth broke up with Gabriel, he apparently has an intense and loving relationship with Polly and yet also realizes that he is lying to himself. He and Polly have this exchange while staring into each other's eyes:

Polly: I love you.
Seth: I love you too.
Polly: I love you two times two.
Seth: I know. But it's not enough.

After that eye-rolling moment, Seth reveals that he is going to go back to Gabriel... just in time for the mob to corner Gabriel near the town church. Gabriel tries to talk his way out of the mob killing him, saying to the priest: "I'm a person, just like you." The priest is horrified by this, screaming: "I'm nothing like you!" (It then comes as no surprise that the camera lingers on a fluffy, black tail that has been hidden under the priest's robes.)

The story ends tragically, as all stories about gayness, fear, and fundamentalism must.  In general, though, the final scene is both sloppy and confusing, taking what should have been a "powerful" ending and making it anything but.

In general, The Wolves of Kromer is an interesting metaphor but a pretty terrible movie. The pacing makes no sense, the acting is uneven, and the overall point so obvious that nothing in the film seems all that meaningful or worth saying. Yes, the wolves are feared and hated by the conservative religious citizens, just like gay people are... very insightful. The movie is based on a stage play, and I could see the script working better for that context. I'd say you can skip this awkward film unless you just really want to hear seven seconds of Boy George or want to see pretty boys in elf ears in a film other than Lord of the Rings.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 bites