11. Every Dracula Movie Ever

WELCOME TO THE GREAT DRACULA RUN-DOWN! 

Perhaps it seems like cheating, but to a certain extent I think that a Dracula movie is a Dracula movie is a Dracula movie. It's difficult to decide which one is "better" or "best."

With the exception of Warhol's Blood for Dracula, which completely threw Bram Stoker's plot out the window, or Coppola's Dracula movie, which made up a whole different history for Dracula's character, most films about the classic count are just variations of the same formula. So, instead of separating them into several short entries, I've decided that the Dracula films I watched for this list are all #11, from the Hammer film series, to the 1979 "sexy" Dracula, to the insanity of Dracula 2000. But which one has the most... bite?

12. Kiss of the Damned (2013)

For the next movie in our countdown, we actually have a fairly recent... zzzzzzzzzzzzz... Huh? What? Sorry, I must have dozed off there. Where was I? Oh, right. The next movie is Kiss of the Damned, which just came out this year. It's a very pretty film and... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

13. Innocent Blood (1992)

Imagine that you are in a movie pitch meeting. "It's like The Godfather or Goodfellas," the producers say. "But more generic. We can't afford Robert deNiro or Al Pacino. But there are a ton of recognizable Italians in Hollywood who we can get for cheap! Like Robert Loggia!"

"Who?"

"He played an Italian mobster in the Pink Panther films. But we'll also get, like, half the cast of Wiseguys and the future cast of The Sopranos! And Anthony LaPaglia! He's Italian too!"

"Okay, well, it sounds like a thousand other mob movies, but that's okay. There's a market for that! People will know what to expect and I'm sure we'll..."

"But wait! THERE WILL ALSO BE A VAMPIRE!"

14. The Hunger (1983)

Oh, David Bowie, why do I keep falling for the same trap? You are awesome. We all know you are awesome. It is just a fact of the universe.

But you seem to have less than great taste when it comes to what movies you star in, sir. More specifically, you sometimes seem to confuse "artistic" with "horribly dull."

15. Underworld (2003)

Even if you haven't seen Underworld, you've basically seen Underworld. If you have ever seen a blockbuster movie with gaping logic holes and plot twists just for the sake of "edginess," then you've seen Underworld. If you have watched any action movie with stylistic slow-motion, leather jackets, and "futuristic" guns, then you've seen Underworld.  Underworld is The Matrix meets vampire movies, because it was the early 2000s and why not. So, sit back, grab your bucket of popcorn, your three movie-theater candies, and giant 32 oz. soda and strap in for the ride.

Quickpost: Honorable mentions

When I made my post Setting the Bar about my top choices of vampire movies, I went back and forth about #5 (Blade II). It is, honestly, a weak choice and one which had to do more with my love for some of the actors and the aesthetic of the first Blade movies. I still love it, but I realized that there were other options. In fact, three other movies in particular deserve a shout out...

16. Andy Warhol's Blood for Dracula (1974)

Are you tired of vampire films that are just about bloodsucking and the undead? Do you wish your watch list contained more unsubtle metaphors for communist uprisings? Do you wish films would just do away with those needless additions like "scripts" and "acting"? Well, then Andy Warhol's Blood for Dracula is the movie for you.