13. Innocent Blood (1992)

Imagine that you are in a movie pitch meeting. "It's like The Godfather or Goodfellas," the producers say. "But more generic. We can't afford Robert deNiro or Al Pacino. But there are a ton of recognizable Italians in Hollywood who we can get for cheap! Like Robert Loggia!"

"Who?"

"He played an Italian mobster in the Pink Panther films. But we'll also get, like, half the cast of Wiseguys and the future cast of The Sopranos! And Anthony LaPaglia! He's Italian too!"

"Okay, well, it sounds like a thousand other mob movies, but that's okay. There's a market for that! People will know what to expect and I'm sure we'll..."

"But wait! THERE WILL ALSO BE A VAMPIRE!"

Yes, I have to give Innocent Blood credit... it's unique. In watching this horde of vampire movies, I found that vampire movies typically fall into one of two categories:

1. Dracula plots; humans must kill a vampire who is terrorizing their town/city/high school.
2. Vampire (typically female) turns a human into a vampire, and said human then struggles with what being a vampire is like, plus the morality of killing. Typically, this ends with the human killing their maker and/or choosing not to feed from humans.

While movies that don't fit these two plots are not inherently "good" movies (see: The Queen of the Damned) they at least get brownie points for trying to do something different.

And so, for all its cheesy '90s-ness, I couldn't help but love the weirdness of Innocent Blood. 

The premise of this film is incredibly simple: a French vampire named Marie is in a slump after a bad break-up. Her (presumably vampire) lover has left her because she us a "picky eater." In order to console herself, she decides to go eat Italian food. 

In other words, she decides to attack the mob.

That's not marinara sauce...

There is a parallel story about an undercover cop named Joe who is trying to take down the mob from the inside. Thankfully, Marie doesn't kill him because she can tell he is a decent person, but he ends up caught in the mob-versus-a-vampire storyline.

This movie is certainly not a great film. The story is pretty one-note and predictable, it just "looks" like a cheap 90's film. The actors are also definitely second or third Hollywood string, but it's definitely a cute "if it's on cable for free I wouldn't turn it off" movie. There was a real chemistry between undercover cop Joe and vampire Marie, and the actors all look like they're having a great time. 

It was also one of the few times that a vampire attack caused me to jump and almost spill my drink. 

Sure, the special effects look (REALLY) cheesy if you pause it, but the timing and sound is great in the context of the movie itself. 

The film is directed by John Landis, who you might know from both An American Werewolf in London and The Blues Brothers. While this film is not as amazing as either of those and it certainly hasn't aged as well, you can tell Innocent Blood was in good hands.

All in all, this movie is a sometimes fun and decent-but-not-fantastic dark comedy.

Rating: 3 out of 5 bites

~ LK