Tuesday, July 30, 2013

19. Vampire's Kiss (1988)

There are only two reasons to watch Vampire's Kiss, as far as I can tell. One scenario might occur in the far future when your child or grandchild comes up to you, all starry-eyed and innocent, and asks, "Where do Nicolas Cage memes come from?" Then, you may wish to show him or her both this movie and The Wicker Man back to back (though that may actually be considered child-abuse, so be careful and check with a lawyer or specialist first).


The second reason to see this film, beyond meme context, is in order to see what TRULY bad casting can do to a movie.

Because that's what is actually strange about this film: it has a good script. Or at least a decent and interesting one.

Before Bret Easton Ellis's amazing American Psycho was published, this vampire movie tried to use the 'killer as a metaphor for 80's business figure' idea. In fact, there's a scene that almost seems right out of Ellis's novel when the protagonist (Peter Loew) harasses his secretary and then chases her into the women's bathroom. She is crying and traumatized, but instead of being reprimanded for his horrible behavior and for preying on the weak, his other male (publishing executive) co-workers laugh and applaud him for it. Loew and his like are clearly vampiric in their everyday lives (Loew sleeps with women he meets out at clubs drunk and then refuses to see them again, he abuses people who he sees himself as "boss" over, etc.) and thus the experience of Loew thinking that he has become a real vampire parallels his role in life already.

However, even with that, the script is not as masterful as the later adaptation movie of American Psycho. For one, Ellis's novel specifically gives his protagonist, Patrick Bateman, a job that is intentionally vague. He works on Wall Street, maybe in "murders and executions." We're not really sure. That's part of the joke. This makes Bateman a great metaphor and stand-in for a certain type of 1980's businessmen as a whole. Peter Loew, on the other hand, clearly works for a publishing house. He has authors he communicates with and contracts he oversees. We actually see work getting done (a bit). Because of this, the film ends up seeming more like a story of one particular man as opposed to a type of person as a whole. In fact, his job almost seems like an in-joke; like the writer of the script had a literary agent or publishing executive who he thought was a "real bloodsucker" and the idea went from there. That said, if this film had been cast with a subtle and talented actor, people might have said in later years that Ellis's novel was simply derivative of this "groundbreaking" 1988 movie.

But instead, someone made the decision to cast Nicolas Cage.

Now, I love Cage when he's in something intentionally campy; for example, I have a strange affection for The Sorcerer's Apprentice or even that terrible Ghost Rider movie. However, this film was clearly not supposed to be campy. This was a story where one cruel and twisted business man already acts as a metaphorical vampire and then, as he descends into madness, believes himself to be a literal one. Like American Psycho, it is unclear what is real and what is just the protagonist's imagination. There are strange moments where something will play out and then we'll get a glimpse that it was probably all in Loew's imagination... but we're not sure. There are surreal dancing mimes in the background of one scene. Or there's Loew's strange compulsions to make a coffin out of his couch or get fake vampire teeth, even through he shows no real symptoms of (non-metaphorical) vampirism at all. It's actually an interesting concept.

However, in order for it to work, the actor who plays the protagonist needs to descend into madness. Cage, on the other hand, just acts crazy from the get-go. There's no room for progression when his characters is unbelievable and manic from the first few minutes. And when he's not playing crazy, he sounds like he's doing his best Keanu Reeves impression. It's absolutely bizarre. I have no idea who thought it was a good idea for Cage to talk like that. The result of all of this is a painful mess of a film.

But at least we got Nicholas Cage screaming the alphabet out of it. That's... something.


Rating: 1 out of 5 bites

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